The longer I’ve been a parent, the more skeptical I become of the concept of preschool. I think it is telling that the very best preschools look remarkably like a home, in fact they look remarkably like my home. What do I feel is missing from my home that I would hope for from a preschool? Well, a room full of happy, laughing children. Friendship. Fellowship. That’s it in a nutshell, really.
And so, with this lofty goal in mind I’ve been going preschool hunting for our youngest daughter, who has her feet in the worlds of both a neurotypical child, who can express herself verbally and is giggly and funny and loves people and an autistic child, who requires direct, simple communication and guidance to focus her attention on the task at hand.
I didn’t really expect my search for a preschool to end up being a search for compassion and human decency, but that’s what it becomes for the parent of a differently abled child. In fact, I’d recommend borrowing a child like mine if you don’t actually have one, because this will be the quickest way to establish a true picture of the heart and soul of a preschool, which is the staff. Do you want a preschool that embraces and encourages children of all abilities? No? Well, consider your neurotypical child at his or her worst, crankiest, and least lovable. Now what kind of preschool do you want?
I had very high hopes for a preschool in our area that billed itself as offering a “progressive, contemplative education.” It claimed to “celebrate diversity,” and pledged “allegiance to {ourselves}, to the soul inside {us} that is in everything: one person under peace, true to {ourselves} and others, treating people the way {we} want to be treated, and bringing love to Earth through the celebration of life.” Awesome.
I took Faith for a visit on Tuesday and I could tell it wasn’t going to work although she did pretty well–just a feeling. It was kind of like they were acting the part of what they thought wholesome people should be like. Except they weren’t actually wholesome. Wearing Birkenstocks, eating barley and nutritional yeast, and reading stories about fairies doesn’t make you a decent person as it turns out.
The conversation in which they reject our daughter for their school (their words are actual quotes, mine are what I wish I’d said):
Them: Well, we discussed it with the teacher and she said she didn’t feel she would be able to teach in the way she wanted to teach if she were to accept your daughter.
Me: Yes, of course that’s fine. I believe there’s a section in the Americans with Disabilities Act that specifically says that not wanting to accept differently abled people is perfectly appropriate and it’s not necessary to do anything that might inconvenience yourself to accommodate them.
Them: I’m glad you’re so understanding about it!
Me: It’s not easy to choose to discriminate against a learning disabled child; I certainly don’t want to make this any more difficult for you!
Them: Well, even though we don’t want your daughter to attend the school, we want to extend an invitation to you and your family to attend some of the family events and social activities we have coming up–the Harvest Festival is next month.
Me: I think that would be extraordinarily awkward. But do let me know if you have any activities planned to celebrate Diversity Day or anything like that. We’d be glad to show up so you could show other parents the kind of diversity that’s not popular or trendy and that you don’t really want around.
Next up: a nearby Montessori school. I’ll hopefully be updating this post with more revelations about what “being kind, loving and respectful to ourselves, others, and all living things” really means.
Head Start welcomes children who are developmentally delayed. I work in a center that serves DD children and ESL children and the program really works. You should consider checking out the Head Start center in your area. You don’t neccessarily have to be living in poverty to qualify for the Head Start program. Check into it!
Take care.
Charlene
Hi Charlene! This would be a wonderful option, but the Head Start in our area does not take kids under 4, so we’re looking for the best alternative until she’s old enough for the local program to be a possibility.
Debby, my heart just breaks for you. No one should have to go through that. Everyone wants their child to be happy, healthy, and accepted for who they are. It’s a shame that some people seem to forget that when dealing with someone else’s child. I hope the Montessori school works out for you.
How about a church preschool. Montessori does seem like a good bet, if she can move from one spot to another without having to be shadowed too much –I guess independence is what I am saying– (I read one time that they pretty much let the kids do what they want, as long as they learn something, and try and encourage them to move on, and not get stuck on one thing)–then again, it seems already like what my girl does at nearly 2, except of course that I don’t have as many ‘stations’ as a Montessori would and no other kids, lol. Also you could try universities nearby, sometimes they have preschools attached and may be educated enough to accept a child that is ‘differently abled’.. man I hate PC talk. i hope you find something that meets BOTH of your needs!